With finishing my noir thriller, Moloch and the Angel (my readers having lots of helpful tips and comments), and also finishing my commissioned NY play, HD (Humpty Dumpty), (being read in two weeks at Marymount College, NYC–more pictures and info to come), finishing the music lyrics and score for the HD play (joined ASCAP– learning more and more about the music industry), I decided to take yesterday off—feeling a bit overwhelmed.
I bought a book titled, Anguished English-An Anthology of Accidental Assaults upon the English Language by Richard Lederer. I started flipping through the pages and laughed, sometimes out loud. I yelled to my husband, Larry, working in the next room, “Lar, you gotta hear this one!”
Ready? I thought I would share a few of the funnies with you so your day or evening could be lightened with humor.
Notes written by parents to school personnel: “Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.”
“My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She was with the marines.”
Addled Adds: “For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.”
“Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.”
“Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.”
“Illiterate? Write today for free help.”
My favorite: Signs of the times: In window of Oregon general store : “Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?”
Ohio road sign: “Drive Slower When Wet.”
Kentucky appliance store: “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.”
On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in multi-packs.”
Clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”
Gallery ops: “The citizens of Santa Barbara County are faced with a tax rise. Most of the money raised would be used for five foot policemen.”
“The bride was wearing an old lace gown that fell to the floor as she came down the aisle.”
Even as I typed this, I laughed. As Dr. Seuss says: “From here to there, and there to here, humor is everywhere.”
Have a good week!